Somewhere deep in the woods of Gravity Falls is a half-buried statue. That statue is holding its arm out.
It appears to be made of stone.
Most of the residents of Gravity Falls ignore it, but not because it holds no interest for them.
Teenagers occasionally come close enough to vandalize it. To throw rocks at the giant eye in the center of the statue, spray paint curse words on it or take pictures of themselves sitting on it. When they look at the pictures, their smiles fade. They leave and never come back.
It’s not always teenagers who come. Sometimes it’s old men and women, with dark, angry secrets in their eyes. People old enough to remember the unpleasantness. The events. The stories that are never told, never passed on. Often they’re drunk. Sometimes they’re shouting. Usually, they’re crying.
Every now and then someone comes with a sledgehammer. The statue appears to be made of stone. It should crumble easily, but it never does. Even the thin little arm, barely an inch in diameter never breaks under even the heaviest of blows.
FOR ONE THING HE INTENTIONALLY PREPARES FOR A MOMENT WHERE HE’D NEED TO PULL OFF A SPECIFIC DICE ROLL
I MEAN HIS PROBLEM-SOLVING THINKING IS CRAZY FAST FOR HIM TO PULL OFF THIS MOVE!!!!
WHAT A FRICKIN GENIUS
STANLEY FRICKING PINES EVERYONE
Let’s just accept the fact that both Stans are geniuses in their own field, and no one is stupid.
THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO BE INTELLIGENT
He spent ten years running scams and cons, evading authorities from at least three different countries (and undoubtedly a number of criminal syndicates) forging documents and IDs, and then managed to lay low for thirty years under an assumed identity. Not to mention he single-handed broke into a government facility and made off with like 9 or 10 drums of nuclear waste.
You know what we call someone who does that in real life? A goddamned criminal mastermind.
May's Gravity Falls Blog 