themysteryshack:

‘Course I was worried about ‘em, are you kiddin’?  Half the town was on fire and a giant goat was rampagin’ right outside!

And yeah, I was out lookin’ for ‘em when I found th’ first few stragglers.  The whole town was a minefield, y’know?  Mabel’s friends, that Northwest girl…I—I couldn’t just leave ‘em out there.  Besides, even if you’ve got a cold, rock-solid soul like me, it still tugs at your heartstrings t’see a kid—and an eight-headed, uh, bear-thing—all injured and cryin’ like that.

Anyway, I’d bring ‘em back to the shack, which is a pretty decent safe haven right now.  Heh, wouldn’t you know it?  You can protect tons’f people n’ property with just a simple combination of—

Eh. Hold on. Better keep things quiet…Don’t want word gettin’ around to that triangle freak.

Anyway, every day I’d have my daily searches for Dipper and Mabel, and every day I’d end up bringin’ back more an’ more survivors.  Heh, guess that’s how the shack got so full so quickly.

Still…Still felt pretty empty without those two, though.

Whoa, whoa, hey, you all are actin’ like I was made for this or somethin’, no, trust me.  If anybody’s destined for greatness, it…it ain’t me. 

Heh, it’s kinda funny; back when I was runnin’ for mayor, I was just lookin’ for a little respect from the townsfolk, y’know? Now I got all the respect I could ever ask for, and it’s under the worst circumstances.  It’s more of a responsibility, at this point.  I never “expected” t’be chief of all this…heck, I never expected t’be anythin’!

…If you wanna know what it feels like, it’s basically like bein’ mistaken for “the mysterious science guy who lives in th’ woods” all over again.

I’m no genius…but hey, uh, s-sometimes y’gotta do what y’gotta do!

Look, I—I’m tellin’ ya! It’s not like I did anythin’ special!  I just happened t’be at the right place at the right time with th’ right resources.  Like, y’know, shelter, a baseball bat, an’ three cabinets worth of brown meat!  

Well, two cabinets now.  Them manotaurs eat like there’s no tomorrow.

And speakin’ of “no tomorrow,” that’s the other thing—you don’t go around tellin’ kids that they’re never gonna see their families again, or that we’re all gonna turn out as stone or…or worse.  You just don’t go around paradin’ that!  Besides, none’f that’s gonna happen—and that’s not even me sugar-coatin’ it.  I’m gonna make sure it doesn’t happen.

You said it, kid—I’m responsible for everyone in th’ shack, and that means it’s my responsibility to kick some triangle a—er, butt.

Look…Ford’s gone.  Most’ve the town is gone.  And for th’ longest time, I thought Dipper and Mabel were too.  But if there’s anythin’ I have experience with, it’s pushin’ through, even when it seems completely hopeless.  Whether that’s—I dunno—shadowboxin’ light-heartedly in front of the kids to make ‘em feel safer, goin’ out scoutin’ for food when no one else is feelin’ up to it, and yes, even stickin’ by that McGucket guy when he’s havin’ one’f those breakdowns of his.  

It’s no walk in the park, but how else are we gonna take down this Bill guy, eh? We gonna let him step all over us?

I dunno about you, but I’m not gonna let some triangle make a fool outta me. I’ve got a whole army’f fighters at my side, and I don’t think any’f us are willin’ to take “no” for an answer.  We aren’t goin’ down without a fight—heck, we aren’t goin’ down at all, got that?!  No matter how we all got here, this place is our home, these people are our families, and, well, it’s time t’take it all back!

So yeah, this whole “chief” thing was never th’ plan, and I still don’t think I’m some hero for it…But dang it, you can bet every cent I’ve ever invested in this shack—I’m gonna be the best leader I can be.

Either that, or die tryin’.

–Stan

P.S. To the anon that made that “joke” about my brother: After we bash this triangle to a pulp, I’m comin’ after you.